


In-Depth Analysis of 5.04 The End

by SymbioticAntithesis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Analysis, Character Study, Dean-Centric, End!verse, Gen, Meta, Non Fiction, Nonfiction, holy shit, it's 11k, non-fiction, relationship analysis, this turned into a monster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymbioticAntithesis/pseuds/SymbioticAntithesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was meaning to do this meta for a while and when I looked at my post count, I realized I really needed to get a move on.  ‘Cause I wanted to be all symbolic and shit and make this post my 666th on tumblr and I’m already homing in on 650.</p><p>So here I am, getting off my ass and finally re-watching 5.04 and writing this.  Here I go.</p><p>(Holy crap guys, this is a monster.  It’s 11k of meta, I feel like I’m back in school writing an essay.)</p>
    </blockquote>





	In-Depth Analysis of 5.04 The End

**Author's Note:**

> I was meaning to do this meta for a while and when I looked at my post count, I realized I really needed to get a move on. ‘Cause I wanted to be all symbolic and shit and make this post my 666th on tumblr and I’m already homing in on 650.
> 
> So here I am, getting off my ass and finally re-watching 5.04 and writing this. Here I go.
> 
> (Holy crap guys, this is a monster. It’s 11k of meta, I feel like I’m back in school writing an essay.)

The episode starts off in present day (2009) with Castiel calling Dean, telling him of a lead he has on the Colt, which is perhaps the only way for Dean to carry out his “insane task of killing the Devil.”  This is important, because if Zachariah hadn’t appeared and thrown Dean into the future, his search for the Colt would have been his main goal that hurtled him into 2014.

Sam calls while Dean is sleeping and tells him that he’s Lucifer’s true vessel, just like how Dean is Michael’s.  Dean refuses to reunite with Sam, despite Sam’s apologies, and says that they have to resist saying ‘yes’ to Michael and Lucifer separately.  THIS IS ALSO IMPORTANT.  Again, if Zachariah hadn’t appeared, Dean and Sam would have continued on their separate ways and The End would have had more probability of actually occurring.  We also get some insight on why 2014!Dean is the way he is.

 _“It doesn’t matter, whatever we do.  I mean, it turns out that you and me, we’re the fire and the oil of the Armageddon.”_   Dean kick-started the Apocalypse while in Hell.  He broke the first seal by breaking on the Rack.  The Righteous Man who tortured and was tortured.  Here, Dean recognizes that in selling his soul for Sam’s life, it was inevitable that he’d break the first seal.  He recognizes that, because he was in Hell, Sam turned to a demon for help.  And Sam _released Lucifer_ by choosing to believe Ruby, by killing Lilith. 

(But Sam was going after Lilith for revenge – revenge for what, really?  Yes, Lilith held Dean’s contract, but _Dean_ made the deal.  Yes, Lilith sent him to Hell with her hellhound, but _Dean_ knew 100% what he was doing, where he was going when he sealed the contract.  So what revenge was Sam trying to exact?  If we want to be technical about it, Lilith wasn’t responsible for taking Sam’s brother away – Dean took himself away from Sam.  But revenge as a motivator, well, it definitely works for him.) 

 _“On that basis alone, we should just pick a hemisphere.  Stay away from each other for good.”_   Dean is hurting.  Sam left him once for Stanford.  He left him again for a demon.  This time, Dean is leaving Sam. 

[On fighting destiny and fate] _“Yeah, we can.  But not together.  We’re not stronger when we’re together.  I think we’re weaker.  Because whatever we have between us – love, family, whatever it is – they are always going to use it against us.  And you know that.”_    Their love for each other is their weakness and Dean knows this.  He is fiercely loyal.  Dean did as his father told him, even if John disappeared for days, weeks, _months_ , on end (season one).  Sam relentlessly pursued a way to get Dean out of his deal so he wouldn’t go to Hell (season 3).  Dean wanted Sam to stop using his powers “or [the angels] will” (season 4).  Sam still used his powers because he thought he was doing the right thing (season 4).  They constantly save each other’s lives and it’s so painfully obvious how much they mean to each other that when Dean says that they should stay away, it hurts.  It hurts us, it hurts Dean, it hurts Sam.

 _“No, we’re better off apart.  We got a better chance at dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing if we just go our own ways.”_   Listen to how broken he sounds about it.  A part of him really wants Sam to come back.  He’s his _brother_ but at the same time, he can’t quite forgive him for choosing Ruby, a demon, over him.  It’s one of the biggest betrayals in the entire series, in my opinion.

And Sam gives us some insight on his struggles with his mistakes.

 _“Not revenge.  Redemption.  Dean, I can do this.  I can.  I’m gonna prove it to you.”_   Sam is a good person, his heart is in the right place – he’s just made some stupidly bad mistakes (though that’s not to say Dean hasn’t, either).  He knows that last time, when he was hellbent on revenge, he messed up.  It’s interesting because in season one when Azazel possessed John, Sam had a clear shot, a chance to exact his revenge.  But he stayed his hand because he’d have to kill his father in order to kill the demon.  In season four, however, Dean’s pleas didn’t stop him from choosing Ruby over his brother.  What changed?

[On fighting destiny and fate] _“Dean, it does not have to be like this.  We can fight it.”_   Here is Sam, the one who believed in angels even if Dean didn’t, the one who prayed even when Dean didn’t, the one who believes in a higher power even if Dean didn’t, saying that _we can fight destiny and we can do it together_.

[On Dean insisting they stay away from each other] _“Dean, don’t do this.”_   This line also hurts.  (Who am I kidding, this whole season hurt, the _entire series_ hurts.)  Sam is pleading, he knows he did wrong, and he wants to fix it.  He doesn’t believe that they’re weaker together – look at all they’ve accomplished together.  And on the other hand, look at what they accomplished while apart – start the Apocalypse.  Sam sees the strength they have in each other and the weakness in each other’s absence – Dean sees it otherwise.  But who can really blame Dean for pushing Sam away?

Now remember, all of this was said _before_ Dean is sent to 2014.  This conversation (along with Dean’s brief conversation with Castiel) sets the board for the future Zachariah sends him to.

And when he does, he has a new idea of getting Dean to say ‘yes’ to Michael.  He zaps Dean to the future.  Five years into the future.  Now, I’m going to say that Zachariah _chose_ this particular future for specific reasons, and that there are _multiple_ futures that Zachariah could have dropped him in.  Why?  Well, think about it.

Don’t you think that each seemingly insignificant choice each person makes has the potential to create a parallel world?  For example, what if the Japanese decided _not_ to bomb Pearl Harbor in 1941?  The United States wouldn’t have joined the Allies in World War II, the Allies might have lost the war, and a Nazi empire may dominate the world.  What if Edward VIII, who was a Nazi sympathizer, didn’t have to abdicate the throne, which thrust his younger brother into the monarchy?  Britain might not have entered the war with France against Nazi Germany and World War II would have played out very differently.  What if the American Civil War ended differently?  What if JFK hadn’t been assassinated?  Do you see where I’m going?

So this particular future that our Dean is in (09Dean) is bleak.  The Croatoan virus ravaged the land and there’s only a small pocket of humanity left in Camp Chitaqua.  Though I have to wonder about that scene with the US Army.  Do they reside at Camp Chitaqua as well?  Or are their multiple camps and Chitaqua is just under Dean’s jurisdiction?  Is there even a government?  Can we call these people “the US Army” or are they simply “soldiers”?  And how are they keeping their ammunition stocked (as well as fuel for the jeep)?

The latter could be answered by saying that they got fuel/oil and ammunition each time someone had to go on a food run, but fuel/oil and ammunition would become scarcer as time went on (even food and water), for the two years the Croatoan virus has been around.

Anyway, Dean wakes up and he’s in the future.  The room he’s in is stripped bare, and when he looks outside and sees that – for lack of a better word – he’s in an apocalyptic world.  The streets are trashed, buildings are razed, there’s junk everywhere, and there isn’t a human in sight.  Well, there are humans, but they are infected with the Croatoan virus. 

Dean finds out he’s in the future, he hijacks a car, he has no reception on his cell or on the radio, and he drives to South Dakota to find Bobby.  Zachariah pops in and tells him he’s stuck in 2014 for three days.  _“This is what happens to the world if you continue to say ‘no’ to Michael.”_   Well, it’s _one_ possibility if Dean continues to refuse Michael.  But Zachariah isn’t going to tell him that; he’s an angel, and he’s just as manipulative – if not more so – than a demon.

Bobby’s house is abandoned, dilapidated, and Dean finds a photograph in Bobby’s hidden compartment above the fireplace. Bobby, Cas, and three unknown men pose outside of Camp Chitaqua.  He heads there next.

Before Chitaqua, however, I’d like to take a moment to wonder why Bobby left the photograph there, somewhere he’d know Dean would look.  It could have been a happy accident, or it could have been planted there on purpose.  Zach could have done it, or maybe Bobby had an insane idea that someone would find it.  That ‘someone’ being, of course, Dean or Sam – the only two people who knows his house almost as well as he does.  So why?  I have no idea, but it’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?

Chitaqua is a fenced off sanctuary for those struggling to stay alive amidst the Croatoan virus and the Apocalypse.  It’s like a military base – everyone is armed and everyone is expected to pull their own weight.  Dean also finds his baby, left to rot with other cars no longer deemed useful.  And _this_ is incredibly telling of how much Dean has changed in this future.  For anyone else, the Impala is ‘just a car’, but to _Dean_ , it’s _everything_.  He loves his baby, and 09Dean would have _never_ abandoned the Impala, letting her become decrepit and overrun.  But 14Dean, though we don’t know exactly what he has gone through to get him to this point in time, found it necessary.  14Dean has no use for sentiment, so he throws one of the most important objects of his life away and never looks back.

14Dean finds his past self, knocks him out, and restrains 09Dean and starts asking him questions.  This scene between the two Deans starkly shows us that these two men _are not the same_.  09Dean still has his snark, his cockiness, his sarcasm.  14Dean is hardened and doesn’t give two shits about sacrificing an innocent if it’s a means to an end.  At least, that's what’s implied.

Though despite 14Dean’s exterior, when 09Dean mentions Zachariah, we see _something_ flit in his eyes.  Hope, perhaps.  Disbelief.  Either way, the fact that 14Dean wants to talk to Zachariah (when we learn later that the angels left years ago) suggests that he’s getting desperate.  He needs to take out his anger, his frustration, his despair on someone.

And oh, when 09Dean mentions Sam?  You see the pause, the tension in 14Dean?  There is _so much_ left unsaid in his stance, but his expression also says a lot.  This is a man who’s lost everything.  Who’s fighting because there’s nothing else _to_ do but fight.  He’s reluctant to tell 09Dean what happened, but if Zach dropped his past self here with him, there had to be a reason.  And maybe that reason was to change this future.

When he says, _“Heavy weight showdown in Detroit.  From what I understand, Sam didn’t make it,”_ we hear the emphasis on _Sam_ and at this point, we’re not sure what 14Dean means.  Neither does 09Dean; he assumes Sam died.

_“You weren’t with him?”_

_“No.”_

And this, lady and gents, is when 09Dean starts to rethink his refusal to let Sam back into his life.  09Dean is shocked, pained – you can see the heartbreak on his face.  14Dean however, is blithe and accepting but harbors a deep-seated resignation.  Then 14Dean delivers the kicker: _“No, me and Sam, we haven’t talked in, hell, five years.”_  

 _Five years_.  This is the time 09Dean is from.  That phone call 09Dean had with Sam before he was dropped in the future?  _It was the last time either of them spoke to each other_.  This is _crucial_.  Granted, we don’t know exactly what happened to the two Winchesters during those five years (I know I keep saying this, but it’s important to understand), but not speaking to your brother for half a decade when you’ve relied on him for just as long?  It does something to your psyche.

_“We never tried to find him?”_

_“We have other people to worry about.”_

Clearly, 14Dean doesn’t see Sam as his problem anymore.  Probably hasn’t since his last conversation with his brother.  Though that’s a harsh thing to say, how else can we explain why 14Dean never tried to contact Sam ever again?  When he hung up that phone five years ago, it was his way of severing his ties to his brother completely.  A ‘goodbye’ from Dean Winchester is final.  It’s absolute.  14Dean never planned on reaching out to Sam ever again.  Sam was his past and he had to look to the future.  And look where it’s gotten him.

Then there’s: _“I got a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors out there with an Apocalypse hanging over their heads.”_

Followed by: _“You don’t trust yourself?”_

_“No.  Absolutely not.”_

For the second quote, I honestly don’t think that 14Dean is referring to 09Dean when he says he doesn’t trust himself.  Not really, anyway.  I think he’s actually implicitly admitting that he doesn’t trust his 2014 self.  The person he is now.

If he _was_ referring to 09Dean, then it would have to do with how very different 09Dean is from the person he is in 2014.  09Dean is still empathetic.  He still worries about Sam.  He still cares about his Baby.  He’s not yet broken.  He hasn’t yet lost everything he’s ever cared for (and before anyone jumps on me about Cas/Castiel, I’m getting there, don’t worry).  09Dean is not _him_ and it’s probably freaking him out.

But if he was referring to his 2014 self . . . what does that say about Dean?  He’s broken, hardened, pitiless, merciless, doing anything to get the job done even if it means sacrificing innocents as a means to an end (which does happen later in the episode).

 _“The Croatoan virus turns people into monsters.”_   But just as the virus turns those infected into mindless zombies (“monsters”), those who aren’t infected are also turned into monsters in their own right.  How ironic is that?

As for the first quote, we learn soon enough that 14Dean is the leader of this motley crew of Camp Chitaqua.  He looks out for them.  But he doesn’t really do it because he particularly _cares_ ; he does it out of duty.  At this point, he’s still looking for the Colt, he still wants to kill Lucifer, and _that_ is his _main goal_.  Taking care of a camp full of survivors really isn’t his priority.  But he throws this tidbit to 09Dean to tell him _that there are other things to worry about_ and Sam isn’t – _wasn’t_ – one of them.  Remember – 14Dean can’t hold on to sentiment.  He left Sam.  He left his Baby.  And later on we see, in a way, he left Cas.

About a week ago, I added this to a graphic with 14Dean and the quote “Daddy’s blunt little instrument”: _I feel like part of the reason 2014!Dean is the way he is because he wanted to prove that he _ **wasn’t**_  just “Daddy’s blunt little instrument”.  He wanted to prove that he didn’t just follow orders.  That he was his own man, that he could make his own decisions.  He wanted to prove to himself – and others – that he was something more than just a grunt._

_That’s why he resisted saying ‘yes’ to Michael for so long.  Even when the world was crumbling around him, he didn’t want to be another pawn in the grander cosmic chess game.  He didn’t want to be the rook or the knight or the bishop.  Neither did he really want to be the king or the queen.  He wanted to be himself._

_But somewhere along the way, he lost who he was._

14Dean leaves and 09Dean wrangles a nail out of the floorboards to pick his handcuffs.  As he wanders the camp, he learns more about the inhabitants, who’s left, and what kind of leader his future self is.

First, Chuck.  Oh, Chuck.  In charge of the supplies, and organizing rations for the camp.  09Dean has no idea how to respond to Chuck when he asks him what they should do about their low supply on perishables and hygiene supplies.  09Dean responds with humor: _“I don’t know, share?”_   And Chuck gives him an ‘are you kidding me?’ look.  Because 14Dean probably would have just said ‘tough shit, they’ll have to suck it up and deal with it’.

Then there’s Risa.  I wish we got to know more about her character.  It’s actually kind of funny that Risa would think that 14Dean would actually _mean_ what he said when they had a “connection” because quite honestly, 14Dean is so hardened that him saying something like that is laughable.  And she actually _believed_ him?  I’m sure 09Dean said it all the time to his one night stands, however, and quite obviously, old habits die hard. 

Then there’s this gem: _“Is Cas still here?”_  

Chuck laughs (whether with disbelief or amusement, I’m not sure), _“Yeah.  Cas isn’t going anywhere.”_

Do you see how he phrased that?  He didn’t say, ‘Yeah, he’s here,’ he says ‘he isn’t going anywhere’.  There’s so much weight behind Chuck’s words.  Maybe Cas tried to leave but couldn’t.  Maybe 14Dean tried to force Cas away but he refused.  I’m going for the latter, because ‘not going anywhere’ means _he’s not leaving Dean no matter what_.  Chuck says ‘he’s not going anywhere’ because 14Dean and Cas probably fought explosively multiple times ever since they established Chitaqua.  And Chuck is probably the only one who’s seen all of these fallouts and their aftermaths.  Chuck knows that no matter how hard Cas and 14Dean tear into each other, they’re all they have left.  And no matter how much 14Dean wants Cas to _leave_ , Cas _won’t_.

And then the big bomb drops on 09Dean.  Castiel isn’t Castiel anymore.  He’s _Cas_ – a human (of course Dean doesn’t quite know this yet).  Cas is busy imparting his newly found drug-induced epiphanies to a group of women.  When he sees 09Dean in the doorway (who Cas, at the time, thinks is 14Dean), he gives him a wink and calls him _Fearless Leader_.  Now, nerdinessboundaries has done her own meta about this pet name (because really, that’s what it is), which is amazing and completely probable and I totally agree with it.

Moving on, however, because I’ll add my own two cents a little later.  I’m writing out almost the entirety of the next scene because it speaks _volumes_ of Cas and 14Dean’s (as well as 09Dean’s) relationship.

_“What are you, a hippie?”_

_“I thought you’ve gotten over trying to label me.”_

Oh, this hurts.  This means that some time in 14Dean’s past, when Cas fell and lost his powers and started to drown himself in drugs, sex, and alcohol, _he asked Cas_ what the hell he was doing.  Multiple times.

This means that 14Dean has seen Cas at his worse.  That Cas submits himself to hallucinogens, narcotics, stimulants, depressants, and everything else in between.

This means that 14Dean, for a while at least, tried to brush things off with humor like he usually did.  But in the end, he stopped because Cas – _Castiel_ – was an angel, a powerful celestial being who decided to stay despite the hopelessness of the situation.  Because 14Dean knew that Cas’ fall, Cas’ immersion into the ugliest and dirtiest part of humanity, was his fault.  And really, 14Dean had no right to judge Cas for how he coped with his newfound humanity – he wasn’t exactly the poster child of sobriety either.

Then Cas turns around and realizes that he’s not talking to his Dean; he’s talking to a Dean from a different time.  And the expression he has when it dawns on him is painful.  I wrote this regarding this scene (it’s a ficlet so it’s in second person point-of-view):

_You stare at him for a moment, in awe, and you remember why you did everything you did to get you to this impossible situation.  You remember why you fell for this man in every way possible.  You fell from Heaven because he taught you to love humanity.  You fell in love with his soul, beautiful and brilliant despite the loss and hardships he endured in his short life.  And you fell into the muddled mess of mankind because you would follow him to the ends of the Earth._

_Then you started to wonder if it was worth it, losing your Grace, losing your sense of self.  So you drowned yourself in booze, drugs, and women – because that’s what _ **he**_  did when he didn’t want to feel, when he wanted to forget._

_Now with past Dean staring at you with earnest eyes, you remember.  You remember why you gave up everything for this man, this human who, in the grand scheme of things, was an insignificant speck in the history of the Earth, of the angels.  But he is so much more than that, isn’t he?_

_And oh, how you wish – not for the first time, nor for the last – that you could see that shining soul again, that you were still an angel fighting for free will and choice, for humanity._

_But you also realize, that this Dean is not your Dean; your Dean is a broken, hardened soul, twisted into something that even you may not bear to look upon if you could.  Your Dean is nothing like the Dean standing in front of you.  Your Dean, though you love him with everything you have left to give, is not the Dean you initially fell in love with._

_And you suddenly wish somehow, someway, you could keep past Dean for yourself.  Keep him like this forever; his humility, his compassion, his love._

_But you know you can’t, so instead you ask past Dean how he came to this future, and laugh when he asks you to “strap on your angel wings”.  You laugh because this Dean still has an angel Castiel by his side, you laugh because you try so hard to forget but you can’t, you laugh because it hurts._

_And you wish so damned much that things could be different._

There’s so much awe in Cas’ expression: _this Dean is from the past_ , _this Dean hasn’t yet seen what my Dean has seen, this Dean is not my Dean._

Also, I know I used the word ‘love’ regarding Cas’ feelings for Dean, and I will do so again.  I am not necessarily saying that he loves him “romantically”, but you cannot deny – whether you actually ship Destiel or not – that Cas _loves_ him.  Love comes in many different forms and I always think it’s funny that when someone says ‘love’ a lot of people automatically jump to the romantic type of love.  This is not what I’ve implied.  Though I am an active DeanCas shipper, for the purpose of this meta, _I am not lumping them together as a couple_.  I am, instead, using ‘love’ as that of family, friend, companion.  And I don’t care if you do ship Dean and Cas – their care and commitment to each other is really unparalleled.  Why else would Cas stick around?

 _“Interesting,”_ is all he says when Dean tells him that he’s from 2009 and Zachariah dropped him into this year.  What could Cas mean by this?  Well, he could be wondering _why_ Zach would do such a thing because for Cas, this is the only future that could possibly exist.  He could be wondering _why_ because he probably no longer believes that little insignificant details will alter the course of fate.  He’s probably wondering if 09Dean would even be able to change the future now that he’s seen it.  Or he could just be saying “interesting” because that’s just what it is and he’s not thinking any further in to it because what’s the point?  He’s stoned, he’s human, and it’s the end of times.  Who cares?

Then, _“I wish I could just ‘strap on my wings’, but I’m sorry, no dice.”_   09Dean is horrified that Cas giggled – _giggled_ – and basically told him “I can’t.” 

_“What are you, stoned?”_

_“Generally, yeah.”_

_“What happened to you?”_

A shrug, _“Life.”_

THIS, this is so telling, because 09Dean is thinking _what the hell, this isn’t Castiel_ and he’d be right.  It _isn’t_ Castiel – it’s Cas.  “What are you, stoned?” was probably Dean trying to be funny in the wake of shock and devastation, but when Cas replied in the affirmative, Dean had to backtrack and reorganize his thoughts.  “What happened to you?” is Dean unable to accept that this person in front of him is the same person who he talked to on a cell phone a few hours earlier, the awkward angel who didn’t understand social cues, who said, “This isn’t funny, Dean, the voice says I’m almost out of minutes”.  It’s Dean trying to wrap his mind around how an angel turned out like this.  It’s Dean trying to understand _why_.

And Cas’ response, “Life,” is so incredibly _human_.  Because in order for Cas to fall so far, he’d have to be human.  Humans cope with pain and loss and suffering and grief – angels don’t (or aren’t supposed to) _have_ emotions.  So when Cas says “Life” he is truly saying “Life happened.  You understand me, don’t you Dean?  You’d understand the most out of anybody I know.  Life happened, just like how life happened to you.  And look at where we are now.  Look at where _I_ am.  You remember what I used to be?  I was never supposed to experience any of this, but because I have, this is what I’ve become.”

Though I’d like to point out that 09Dean doesn’t yet know that Cas is human.  So during this exchange, he’s also wondering how the hell an angel managed to become this corrupted, this sullied, and he’s also wondering how and why his future self _allowed_ it to happen.

14Dean comes back from his mission and he and his team share a celebratory drink.  But 14Dean pulls out his gun and shoots one of his men pointblank.  It’s interesting to see 09Dean jumping forward to warn the other guy regardless of 14Dean’s reasons for pulling the trigger in the first place.  09Dean still has his empathy while 14Dean eradicates anything dangerous without a second thought, because that’s what he’s needed to do to survive these past five years.

(You can also see Cas in the background, licking his lips and turning away.  But I don’t think he’s turning away from the bloodshed – why would he when he’s living in an apocalyptic world?  I think he’s turning away because 09Dean had to witness 14Dean execute one of his men and he didn’t want the soul of 09Dean to be sullied.  He turns away because 09Dean isn’t 14Dean and he’s likely torn between the two.  He turns away _because_ there are two Deans: one is his Dean, who he fought, bled, and cried with, and the other is a Dean from his past who _hasn’t_ had to experience the same heartbreaks and disappointments 14Dean went through.  He’s not yet broken.  Not yet.)

We see 09Dean in disbelief at his future self’s cold-heartedness, and he turns to Cas for confirmation.  Cas says nothing and his expression is unreadable.  The only thing we can tell from Cas is that this is a common occurrence and there’s possibly a tinge of regret and acceptance in his eyes.  We can see a million thoughts running through 09Dean’s mind and I can’t even begin to pinpoint all of them.

 _How did I become so heartless?_ is one of the first thoughts I can pull out of all the expressions.

Then when 09Dean calls 14Dean out on killing a man in cold blood, 14Dean responds with _“I didn’t see the point in troubling a good man with bad news.”_

09Dean’s response is incredulous, as he would be.  He even questions 14Dean’s choice of shooting Jäger (?) in front of his other men and 14Dean retaliates with _“It’s 2014”_ like it explains everything.  And it does.

Though when 14Dean mentions that him trading words with his “clone” might have freaked his men out more than a cold blooding killing implies that only a handful of people know that angels can travel in time.  We can assume, however, that they know angels exist; after all, 14Dean is hell bent on killing Lucifer and Lucifer equates angel.  It also makes me wonder if there were only a few people who knew that Cas was an angel or if they think he’s just another guy who is probably the most trusted and closest to 14Dean any one could ever possibly get.

Which also makes me wonder: why didn’t Cas go with 14Dean to retrieve the Colt?  Well, there could be many reasons.  One being that because Cas is still one of the only people left 14Dean can trust, he charged him with running the camp if the mission went awry.  Another possibility was that 14Dean simply didn’t want Cas with him (again, there is a lot of speculation on the [broken] relationship between these two and all of them are reasonable arguments).  And another being that Cas was just too fucking high when 14Dean headed out that he simply left him behind, not needing or wanting to haul deadweight with him with the possibility of a withdrawal occurring during a crucial moment.

Moving on, 09Dean is still appalled at his future self’s actions and 14Dean brings up an incredibly valid point: this isn’t his world, this isn’t his year; 09Dean is an interloper and he has no idea how society (or lack thereof) works anymore.  He neither has a right to say what is right and what is wrong nor to judge 14Dean for his behavior.

So 09Dean apologizes and asks what the mission was.  The Colt.  Everything 14Dean has been fighting for.

14Dean calls a meeting to plan their ambush on Lucifer.  Risa, Cas, and both Deans.

I’m going to take a moment and point out how _easy_ Cas moves now.  As an angel, he was always a bit stiff because the body he inhabited wasn’t his.  He’s an angel.  His human vessel, Jimmy, is something very different from his true form.  But now, we see how fluidly he moves, how comfortable he is to just lean back in his chair, prop his feet up on the table, and take a swig of alcohol.

So, during this meeting, we can safely assume the following:

Bobby is dead.

Ellen is dead.

Jo is dead.

Rufus is dead.

Who does Dean have left?  Cas.

But Cas isn’t the same.  He’s lost his powers and he’s down in the dirt with the rest of humanity.  What’s left of it, anyway.  He’s “generally” high, but we also see him remaining steadfastly loyal by 14Dean’s side.

And when 09Dean mentions that he and Risa “have a connection”, Cas laughs to himself, likely in amusement and incredulity.  Incredulous because he doubts his Dean would even say something like that to anyone.  He and Dean supposedly have a profound bond, but probably since the angels left, or when Sam said ‘yes’ to Lucifer, the bond started to fray, to shatter.  It’s still there, but it’s nothing like what it used to be, what it _could_ be.  Amused because he misses Dean’s snark, his sarcasm, his blithe devil-may-care attitude (and yes, I’m purposefully using this phrase to be ironic).

Also, 14Dean has an expression of ‘Oh, that’s right, that did happen,’ and I’m not completely sure what to make of it.

Then there’s 14Dean’s, _“Oh trust me.  He wasn’t lying.”_

And then there’s Cas’ admittance of 14Dean’s skilled methods of extracting the truth: _“Our Fearless Leader, I’m afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth.”_

09Dean, of course, has issues with this.  Because _torture_ equates Hell – where he was on both the receiving and giving end of it.  09Dean never wanted to do it again, especially after Alistair and his failed attempts to wrangle any sort of answer out of the demon in 4.16.  09Dean is “still” the Righteous Man.

(I put ‘still’ in quotations because both Deans _are_ the Righteous Man; 14Dean has just strayed a little too far from the path.)

 _“Oh, so we’re torturing again.  That’s good.  Classy.”_   There’s 09Dean’s snark, even though he’s likely incredibly frightened for himself, _of_ himself.  Torturing was something, a darkness, 09Dean knew he wouldn’t be able to get back from.  That’s why in 4.16 when Castiel asked him to extract information from Alistair, he said plainly, _“If you ask me to go in there, you will not like what comes back out.”_   09Dean knew that Alistair “carved him into a new animal” and if he gave in to those urges like he did in Hell, there was no going back.  And we see quite clearly what has happened to Dean in the interim when he started to torture again because 09Dean and 14Dean may be the same person, but they haven’t had the same experiences.  Not quite.

Also notice that Cas uses that petname again: Fearless Leader.  He _purposefully_ uses it because it’s _ironic_.  “Our Fearless Leader – who is not that fearless – has excellent torture methods.  You know where he learned them?  Hell.  Our Fearless Leader, the Righteous Man, who was supposed to stop the Apocalypse, is not so Righteous anymore.  Our Fearless Leader, who puts up a tough front but is really broken beyond repair.  Our Fearless Leader, who doesn’t show weakness to anyone.  Only to me.  The Fallen angel.  Isn’t that funny?”

Then there’s his wording choice: _“all too well schooled.”_   _Cas is doing this on purpose_.  He’s shoving 14Dean’s experience of Hell right in his face.  He’s telling him that 14Dean started his ‘education’ in Hell, but he’s finished it on Earth.  “All too well schooled,” meaning that 14Dean is a fucking _expert_ at torture – exactly what Alistair intended for him to be all along.

And did you see Cas briefly glance at 09Dean?  It was very slight, but it was like Cas wanted to see Dean as he used to be: pure and bright and shining.  He could call 09Dean “Fearless Leader” and it wouldn’t be a derogatory petname.

Then Cas is again giggling at 09Dean’s antics.  Because he remembers this Dean and how he didn’t want to torture, knew that it would change him.  And when Cas says, _“What?  I like past you,”_ it hurts so much.

Again, I wrote the following a while ago but it still holds true (bold signifies current edits and thoughts):

 _"I like past you,"_   _is Cas telling future!Dean that he’s changed (and not exactly for the better).  And that eyeroll he gives to Cas?  It’s Dean telling Cas that he doesn’t fucking care, that his past self is exactly that – his past, and Dean, in his mind, doesn’t think that the past can be changed ( **nor the future, in this case** ).  It’s Dean telling Cas ‘ _too fucking bad, this is who I am now’__ _._

_**When he looks between Cas and 09Dean, he also probably knows why Cas is acting the way he is.  His past self is the reason Cas disobeyed Heaven in the first place.  Now?  He’s simply stuck – he doesn’t have much of a choice (even though we know that Cas would always, no matter what, choose Dean).** _

_"I like past you_ ,” _is Cas telling Dean that there’s a difference between love and like.  He may love Dean as he is, with all his flaws and insecurities, but he doesn’t particularly_ ‘ _like’_ _him anymore.  It’s Cas telling Dean that though he accepts the choices Dean has made to bring them to the End, he doesn’t_ ‘ _like’_ _them.  It’s Cas actually telling Dean that though he has followed Dean this far and will continue to follow him wherever he leads, it doesn’t mean that he_ ‘ _likes’_ _those choices._

 _"I like past you,"_ _is Cas implicitly telling **09** Dean to not make the same mistakes, the same choices.  It’s Cas telling **09** Dean that he _‘ _likes him’,_ _to_  ‘ _not change, please don’t change’_.

 _"I like past you,"_   _is Cas telling both Deans that so much has happened and he doesn’t like it, despite his steadfast loyalty._

 _"I like past you,"_   _is Cas reaching out to both Deans for something, something that he himself probably doesn’t know he wants._

 _"I like past you,"_   _is Cas showing **09** Dean how broken he is, how broken they both are in the future.  It’s Cas saying that he wants to go back to that time where Dean is whole, where he’s still empathetic._

_But in spite of everything, Cas knows this is it.  Even if he likes **09** Dean it won’t stop him from following his Dean to his death.  Because he’s come this far, he’s given this much, what’s a little more?_

09Dean gives Cas a brief glance, not completely understanding the silent conversation that just happened between his future self and Cas.  He’s also trying to come to terms with the fact that he gave in to his darker side, his _Hell_ side, and he’s starting realize why and how 14Dean is the way he is.  He’s silently telling himself, _I don’t want to become him_.

14Dean reveals that Lucifer’s location is infested with Croats and Cas – so different from Castiel and so sarcastic – though he (playfully; note that he’s not really telling 14Dean to _not_ do this) refutes 14Dean’s plan at first, he agrees to come with him.  And right here, we know that Cas also knows Dean is leading them on a suicide mission.  14Dean’s plan is “reckless” and “insouciant” and Cas _knows_.  And that makes the following exchange all the more painful.

_“Are you coming?”_

A pause, then, _“Of course.”_   A sigh, a brief glance to 09Dean.

 _So much_ can be picked out of these two lines. 

“Are you coming, you’ve always been there, all these years, you’ve never left my side, never, no matter what I’ve done or said to you, and I don’t fucking know why you’re still with me, and I know we’re both fucked up, but I want you to still be with me at the end, I need you to be there, please.”

“Of course, yes, I know, I won’t leave you, no matter what, regardless of how broken we are, of whatever we have left between us, I will never leave you, I’ll be there, I’ll come with you.”

The moment breaks when Cas asks why 09Dean is coming with them on the mission and 14Dean snaps at him with _that_ tone that brooks no argument.  Risa and Cas leave to round up the grunts and the two Deans are left alone.

 _“Why **are** you taking me?”_ 09Dean asks.  Because here is a man wondering what else his future self could possibly show him at this point.  And, well, Cas was right – if he died in the future, he’d disappear from the past. 

 _“Zach’s looking out for you, right?”_ _Can you hear the sarcasm and bitterness?_   I’ll dig deeper into this line a little later.

Then, _“Sam didn’t die in Detroit.  He said ‘yes’.”_

And the other big emotional bomb drops on 09Dean.  He’s in shock, disbelief, _“Why would he do that?”_

Though he didn’t want to reunite with Sam and insisted they carry on separately, 09Dean thought, _believed_ , that Sam wouldn’t give in.  He’s proven so incredibly wrong here and his heart, already breaking from seeing this world and a broken Cas, is _shattering_. 

14Dean watches, gauges 09Dean’s reaction and honestly, I think a part of 14Dean wanted to break 09Dean down a little.  He wanted 09Dean to know, just a little, how he feels.  Because he hates seeing his past self, he hates seeing who he used to be, he hates who he is now. 

09Dean is starting to rethink if letting Sam go was the right course of action.  If they go their separate ways, the future he’s in now could very well come to pass.  09Dean’s body, his entire _soul_ , is saying ‘oh God, no, Sammy.  I’ve lost him again.  For good.’

We see here that 14Dean has come to terms with his brother succumbing to Lucifer, that he has no choice but to kill him.  He’s come to terms, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not affecting him.  The reason why 14Dean wants 09Dean to come with him on this mission that really has no hope in succeeding is “to see our brother.”  It’s a subtle way for 14Dean, without going into a chick flick moment, to tell his past self that _this is what happens, can you fix it?_   And 14Dean may not believe that it can be done, to change the future by telling his past self to do something about it, but he tells him anyway.

 _“And you need to see it.”_   Ugh, can we just . . . wallow for a second in how absolutely _cruel_ this line is?  14Dean is essentially telling 09Dean that he’s going to kill the Devil, who’s wearing their brother, and _the only family you have left_.  Why?  It’s another way for 14Dean to tear at 09Dean.  It’s also a way for him to tell 09Dean that _you can fix this.  If you don’t want to have to do this again, fix it._   In an incredibly cruel and callous way.

_“The whole damn thing, how bad it gets, so you can do it different.”_

_“What d’you mean?”_

_“Zach said he was gonna bring you back.  Right?  To 09?  Well, when you get back home, you say ‘yes’.”_

Then, _“If I let him in then Michael fights the Devil.  Battle’s gonna torch half the planet.”_

_“Look around you, man!  Half the planet’s better than no planet, which is what we have now.”_

SO MUCH INFORMATION IN THIS SCENE.

First, we _know_ that 14Dean has regrets – hell, even 09Dean has regrets, but it’s not as much as 14Dean’s baggage – but think about how much it’s weighing on him to actually ask – _order_ – his past self to say ‘yes’ to Michael when he gets back to his time.  His guilt is driving him more than anything: 14Dean wants 09Dean to see that _there is no other way_ , that ‘Paradise’ is better than this crap hole he’s lived in for five years, that condemning billions of people to death is the better option, because he’s tried _everything_ to save humanity and he’s _failed_.

_“If I could do it again, I’d say ‘yes’ in a **heartbeat**.”_

_“So why don’t you?”_

_“I’ve tried!  I’ve shouted ‘yes’ ‘til I was blue in the face; the angels aren’t listening!  They just . . . left, gave up.  It’s too late for me, but for you – ”_

_“No, there has to be another way.”_

_“That’s what I thought.  I was cocky.  Never actually thought I’d lose.  But I was wrong.”_  

These lines break my heart, and they’re obviously breaking 14Dean’s, too.  His eyes speak _volumes_ on how broken and desperate he is.  He’s telling 09Dean that it doesn’t have to end this way, he has a chance to make it right, he can do better.  14Dean acknowledges his mistakes, and he’s showing 09Dean a glimpse behind his armor.  _I’m wasn’t strong enough, I’m still not strong enough, I fucked up, I’m a wreck, and I can’t do this anymore_.  You know what else he’s doing?  He’s telling 09Dean that _he knows he’s not going to make it out of this mission alive._   I don’t think 14Dean realizes this yet.  Probably doesn’t realize it until he _sees_ 14Dean’s death.

Now remember 14Dean’s line on Zachariah watching over Dean?  The bitterness in his voice?  Well, here we know why he’s so bitter.  09Dean still has a chance.  He’s from a time where angels are still hanging around Earth, where they’re still pressuring him into saying ‘yes’.  14Dean has tried to call the angels down, tried to allow Michael into him, but they left.  They gave up.  And here, 09Dean has an “angel on his shoulder”.  Of course 14Dean would be bitter.  Now that he’s seen what happens for denying Michael, he would give anything to change it.

 _“I’m begging you.”_   And I’m just going to cry in the corner for a second.  This is 14Dean _begging_.  **_14Dean_.**   14Dean who, thus far in this episode, has shown nothing but a hardened exterior.  And yet here he is, exposing all of his pain and anguish, hopelessness and despair to his past self.  He’s _begging_.

Here is the _Fearless Leader_ showing his fears. 

_“But you won’t.  ‘Cause I didn’t.  Because that’s just not us, is it?”_

This is also telling how 14Dean would say ‘yes’ in a heartbeat if he could save the world, but he only came to this conclusion after he’s _lost everything_.  09Dean isn’t at his wits end, he’s not desperate.  Not yet.  And he recognizes this.

Here he also recognizes, that though 09Dean may have a chance at changing things, they’re still the same person.  And he won’t say ‘yes’.  He’s knows this, and it breaks him just a little bit more.  That expression he has before he says that line?  It’s of a man who’s given up.  And he’s ready to die. 

14Dean reigns himself back in and 09Dean is trying to process everything that’s just happened.  And they both know that 14Dean is right.  Going back to what I said earlier about “Daddy’s blunt little instrument”, both Deans don’t _want_ that, and that’s why they won’t say yes.  Not until the very end when it’s too late.  And that scoff?  It’s 14Dean saying, “We’re a real piece of work, aren’t we?  We were supposed to save the world, but instead we destroyed it.”

Now they’re off to storm Lucifer’s stronghold.  It’s interesting that Cas and 09Dean are paired together, don’t you think?  Maybe 14Dean did this on purpose, to further drive home the point that this – everything – is his fault.  Especially Cas.  Maybe 14Dean wanted to break 09Dean down just a little bit more.

In any case, it’s 09Dean and Cas (also note that Cas is the one that’s driving) in the same car and Cas takes out a bottle of pills and casually pops a few.  Then he _offers some_ to 09Dean.

_“Amphetamines?”_

_“It’s a perfect antidote for that absinthe.”_

How does Cas know this?  _Because he’s done it so many times_.  Can you imagine, though, how many times he’d have to “experiment” before he got it right?  How close he possibly could have come to overdosing or fucking himself over permanently?  This shows us how far a former angel has fallen into the dregs of humanity.  And 09Dean doesn’t like it one bit.

_“Don’t get me wrong, Cas, I’m happy that the stick is out of your ass, but what’s going on?  With the drugs and the orgies and the love guru crap.”_

And Cas laughs.  _Laughs._   Because he’s still a bit high and he’s _human_.

 _“Dean, I’m not an angel anymore.”_   He says this so blithely that for a moment we can believe that he doesn’t really care.  In a way, he doesn’t.  He doesn’t see the _point_ in caring anymore.  When he first fell, he damn well cared that he lost his wings and his powers, but after years of humanity, he’s become disenchanted.

And when 09Dean learns that Cas is mortal, his mind starts to click everything into place.  The drugs, sex, and alcohol have a whole new meaning now that 09Dean knows that Cas is human.  Because 09Dean knows that drugs, sex, and alcohol is a coping mechanism.  For _humans_.  As an angel, Cas wouldn’t have _needed_ it.  He could have _wanted_ , but he wouldn’t _need_.

But I wonder, what would have been more corrupting: a full angel and drugs, sex, and alcohol or a human coping with drugs, sex, and alcohol?

_“Practically human.  I mean, Dean, I’m all but useless.  Last year, broke my foot; laid up for two months.”_

_“So you’re human.”_   A languid nod.  _“Well, welcome to the club.”_  

_“Thanks.  Except I used to belong to a much better club.”_

Regret?  Possibly.  Bitterness?  Definitely.  Nostalgia?  Yes.

_“Now I’m powerless.  I’m hapless, I’m hopeless; I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence?  Right?  It’s the end, baby!  That’s what decadence is for.  Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out.  But then, that’s just how I roll.”_

The expression on 09Dean’s face throughout Cas’ speech, it’s remorse, it’s pity (and I really hate using this word because it has a derogatory connotation), it’s _what have I done to get you like this_.  Or maybe a better way to put it would be _what have I **not**_ _done._

Then there’s Cas.  “Why the hell not,” is something 09Dean would say.  It’s what he _does_ say on occasion.  And, well, it’s telling that what he’s learned from humanity for the short time he’s been with them, he’s learned from 14Dean.  And honestly, 14Dean probably wasn’t the best human to learn anything from.

Drugs, sex, and alcohol?  14Dean probably even provided Cas with them from time to time until he realized his mistake.  By then it was too late, because an angel suddenly becoming human, being able to feel emotion and physical pain for the first time in millennia would be susceptible to addiction.  It’d be overwhelming at first, sure, but then Cas would want _more_.  Possibly _because_ he can feel now.  Or possibly because it reminds him of what he used to be.  Or that it helps him forget.  Because nothing can really alleviate the pain of losing everything you once were.  Cas’ world shattered the day he became human, and he turned to something the human he’s closest to turns to when he needs to forget: drugs, sex, and alcohol.

Here’s another short commentary I wrote a while back on a gif set (bold is added): **_This is where we also realize – 09Dean as well_** _– how influential he is_ _to Castiel’s character development and decisions.  Who encourages Cas to rebel?  Dean.  Who introduces drugs, sex, and alcohol to Cas?  Dean.  Who gives Cas his first firearm?  Dean.  And yet, Cas is always there for Dean; when he turns around, he’s there.  He’ll always be there.  It doesn’t matter what they’ve been through, what Dean is willing to sacrifice to save the world, Cas will always be there.  And though Cas is disenchanted to the world, he’ll still follow Dean to the ends of the Earth.  Quite literally._

Now we’re finally at Lucifer’s stronghold.

_“There.  Second floor window, we go in there.”_

_“You sure about this?”_

_“They’ll never see us coming.”_  

And _immediately_ , 09Dean knows something’s up.  Because he knows himself.  No matter how much he’s changed, he knows 14Dean is hiding something.

Can I also point out Cas’ expression when Risa asks if 14Dean is sure?  It’s pained.  Cas knows that they’re not going to survive this, knows that 14Dean will be using them as a diversion, but he keeps quiet.  And when he’s checking his gun, his eyes follow the two Deans, likely knowing what 09Dean is going to say to his Dean.  He knows because he knows Dean, inside and out.  It doesn’t matter if he’s from the past, future, or present – Cas knows him.

 _“You mean you’re going to feed your friends into a meat grinder?  Cas, too?”_   _Cas, too?_   Look at that, 09Dean is calling 14Dean out on _betraying_ his one and only friend at the end of the world.  And I can analyze their relationship “romantically” (‘cause there really is no romance in what they have with each other, not any more at least) but simply taking this as friendship, it’s obvious that despite whatever bad blood that may be between them, it’s _Cas_ , and he’s stayed with 14Dean this entire time. 

It’s also 09Dean acknowledging that Cas _means_ something to him.  This is 09Dean asking his future self how he can throw away Cas’ trust when he’s stuck with him for this long.  It’s 09Dean realizing that he shouldn’t take his Castiel for granted, not like how 14Dean is carelessly throwing him to the dogs.

14Dean averts his eyes when 09Dean asks him, “Cas, too?”  And that is very telling, as well.  Because 14Dean has no allusions that Cas doesn’t know what he’s doing, what he’s about to do.  Cas _always_ knows.

 _“Oh, man, something is broken in you.”_   14Dean looks away because he also knows this.  Hence Cas’ quip “Fearless Leader”; he lets Cas call him this, never tells him to stop, because he wants – _needs_ – to be reminded.

_“You’re making decisions that I would never make.  I wouldn’t sacrifice my friends.”_

_“You’re right.  You wouldn’t.  It’s one of the main reasons we’re in this mess, actually.”_   Can we say foreshadowing?!  09Dean _does_ sacrifice friends in 5.10 when he leaves Jo and Ellen behind as a distraction for the hellhounds.  _The same exact thing 14Dean is doing here_.  He also has to accept Death’s terms in 5.21 to let his brother jump into the Pit.  His brother, whom he’s given everything for.  Who he called to reunite with once he was back in his time because _hell fucking no_ will 09Dean allow this future to happen.  (The parallels here are incredible, actually, but obviously spoken in hindsight.  14Dean loses Sam to the Devil and he loses the world.  09Dean also loses Sam to the Devil but he _saves_ it.)  And though 09Dean isn’t quite where 14Dean is emotionally, he definitely has the potential to be.

 _“These people count on you, they **trust** you.”_  

_“They **trust** me to kill the Devil and to save the world.  And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”_

_“No.  Not like this you’re not.  I’m not gonna let you.”_

14Dean is a little surprised at this, at the spark of life in 09Dean.  He only vaguely remembers that kind of vitality – it’s been a long while since he’s felt anything like it.  But he shakes it off and knocks his past self unconscious.  He may not remember vitality, but he sure as hell knows conviction.

09Dean wakes to the sound gunfire and he runs into the compound.  (I also find it extremely interesting that he doesn’t have any weapons on him.  I mean, seriously?) 

And then the final bombshell: Lucifer in Sam’s body snaps 14Dean’s neck. 

 _“Hello, Dean.”_   I wonder if Lucifer does this on purpose just to fuck with him, because this is what Cas used to say whenever he popped in.

_“I’m sorry.  It must be painful speaking to me in this . . . shape.  But it had to be your brother.  It had to be.”_

Lucifer reaches out to place a hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean moves away, and Lucifer is saddened.  There was this one comment I read that questions if it was maybe a part of _Sam_ that was reaching out to Dean, in a gesture of apology, of desperation.  I personally doubt it, though it makes for a good theory. 

He reaches out because Lucifer is a younger brother; he knows what it’s like to look up to someone and have that admiration rejected, to be betrayed.  He empathizes firstly with Sam and his relationship with Dean (like his and Michael’s) and secondly with Dean in losing family.  However, Lucifer is not a lover of humanity: he loves God and he loves the Earth.  That jaw twitch we see?  It’s probably Lucifer understanding why Dean would turn away from him, but it’s not Lucifer saying that he’ll ever stop.

I’d also like to point out, again in nerdinessboundaries’ meta, that Lucifer is likely _purposefully_ using Sam’s mannerisms against Dean.  He _wants_ to make him uncomfortable, he _wants_ him to know that he may be using Sam as a vessel but they’re actually one and the same.  Lucifer _is_ Sam, and Sam is Lucifer.

Then Lucifer begins his speech: Earth is beautiful, the _“last, perfect handiwork of God.”_  He fell from Grace because he _“loved God, more than anything.”  “Then God created,”_ a chuckle, demeaning and humorless, _“You.  And then he asked all of us to bow down before you, to love you more than him.”_

Is Dean sympathizing with Lucifer?  Probably not.  He’s human, he may be flawed, _humanity_ may be flawed but he’d fight to protect it anyway.

_“Does the punishment fit the crime?  Especially when I was right.  And how many of you blame me for it.”_

I’m going to dip briefly into juxtaposing Castiel and Lucifer for a second.  Lucifer – and likely many angels – resented being told to love humanity when they were so terribly imperfect.  As an Archangel, we can see why Lucifer would reject serving a creature so tainted.  An archangel, who is powerful and absolute, and “Heaven’s most terrifying weapon” would despise being forced to bow down to humanity.  However, unlike the other angels, he rebelled and did not heed God’s orders.

Castiel, on the other hand is a lower ranking angel.  He believes and loves God just as much as any other angel.  However, Dean Winchester introduced him to the subtle nuances of humanity.  And instead of rearing back in disgust like Lucifer, he was intrigued and fell in love with mankind.  He deemed it worth saving, worth turning his back on his family.  For _humanity_.  And it wasn’t simply for mankind – it was because Dean asked him to.  One particular human – one that is so very flawed.  Castiel, above all angels, carried out his Father’s wish to the very end.

As for humanity . . . well, yes, we are a pretty fucked up species.  But there’s good, too.  And it’s so interesting that Cas decided that we were worth fighting for, Falling for.  Because majority of the human contact he’s had in his years of existence were the Winchesters, and the Winchesters embody both the best and worst of humanity. 

Dean – I don’t even know what emotions are flicking through his eyes anymore, there’s so many – is torn.  He _understands_ where Lucifer is coming from, but he won’t accept it.  It’s in his nature to help people, to _save_ people; that’s why he makes such a fantastic hunter.  But he also knows and has experienced the worst life has to offer.  Emotions, for one: pain, loss, suffering.  If Dean were any other person that the show had built him up to be, he would have given up.  Dean is a fighter, and he fights for the good in mankind.

And even though 14Dean told him that he never expected to lose, 09Dean _won’t let it happen_.  He can’t, now that he’s seen this.

The expression Lucifer has is smug, because he’s won.  He knows, one way or another, that 09Dean will go back to his time, try to fix things, but fail.  Because this future, _his_ future, he’s victorious because 14Dean never accepted Michael into him.

Then Dean lobs this at him: _“You’re the same brand of cockroach I’ve been squashing my whole life: an ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground supernatural piece of crap.  The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.”_

At this moment, we can safely assume that Dean is trying to convince himself convince Lucifer that he believes what he says.  He’s back to bravado because he’s so incredibly shaken.  It’s ironic that Dean is trying to inflate his own ego with this statement, when he obviously barely has faith in himself.  And that smirk that Lucifer gives Dean?  It’s Lucifer saying, “All right, whatever you say, human.”

 _“I get what the other angels see in you.”_   This is Lucifer recognizing and acknowledging Dean as Michael’s vessel, but _not_ Dean as a human.  Dean is resilient, full of pride – traits that he likely shares with Michael – and Lucifer is just a bit nostalgic.

_“You better kill me now, or I swear that I will find a way to kill you.  And I won’t stop.”_

_“I know you won’t.  I know you won’t say ‘yes’ to Michael, either.  And I know you won’t kill Sam.”_   And the line that everyone frets over, even now: _“Whatever you do, you will will always end up here.  Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, **we** will always end up . . . here.  I win.  So, I win.”_

Here, Dean is trying so damned hard to hold himself together, because what if Lucifer is right?  What if he _can’t_ change anything?  Because Lucifer _is_ right about Dean never giving in to Michael and never being able to kill Sam.  All other options are null and void.

Now Lucifer.  At this point in the season, we don’t know much about him.  We only know what he’s told Dean and that he wants Justice.  We also know a bit about angels, how they’re manipulative – they withhold information as they see fit so they can “guide” people into doing their will.  In lore, however, we know that Lucifer _is_ telling the truth about his Fall from grace.  This makes you sympathize and truly wonder if ‘the punishment fit the crime’.

(I’d like to quickly say that I understand that most of this meta focuses on Dean because, well, it’s a Dean-centric episode.  We know the most about Dean at this moment than any of the other characters.  Sam doesn’t exist for majority of this episode, and Castiel/Cas has only been around for a year.  Lucifer, likewise, was introduced four episodes ago.  We don’t know much about him.  So I apologize if any of you wanted a more in-depth exploration of Sam, Lucifer, and Sacifer, but I hope you understand why I _didn’t_.)

Lucifer disappears and Zachariah zaps Dean back to 2009.  And for a moment, it seems that Dean really _truly_ contemplates saying ‘yes’.  Because, well, _what if?_   But Dean is not a puppet, he is not a pawn, and he refuses.

_“Oh, I’ve learned a lesson all right.  Just not the one you wanted to teach.”_

It’s interesting how angels don’t seem to believe in parallel worlds or changing the future.  Lucifer doesn’t believe that Dean can change it, and Zachariah sure doesn’t (especially regarding Dean saying ‘yes’ to Michael).  But a human, Dean, wants to believe regardless.  That line right there?  It’s true.  Dean _did_ learn something during his trip to the future.  He’s going to get Sam back, and he’s going to watch out for his angel.  Because if he doesn’t, he’ll turn into his 2014self and he’ll never forgive himself if he does.

So when we think about it, it was because of Zachariah that Dean, Sam, Castiel, and Bobby – Team Free Will – powered through the Apocalypse and found a way.

When Castiel zaps him to safety, Dean insistently tells him, _“Don’t ever change.”_ This is so very important.  He’s seen Cas in the future, and though he’s looser and more open to anything and everything, he’s not _Castiel_.  Castiel is an angel, not a human.  Castiel is awkward, not fluid and caustic.  Castiel has faith, not bitterness.

And before I forget, 14Dean wasn’t wearing the amulet.  I know Dean gave it to Castiel in 5.02 but for those five years since then: 1) Cas never found God, 2) he gave up, or 3) he lost faith when the angels left and he Fell the rest of the way into humanity.  Cas might have given the amulet back to Dean at some point after the angels abandoned Earth, and if he did, Dean certainly wouldn’t have kept it.  And I know that there’s a lot of meta concerning the amulet, so I won’t dig any deeper than I need to, but the amulet was an incredibly important object in Dean’s life.  It’s up there with the Impala.  And the symbolism of both the Impala and the amulet – one neglected and the other absent – speaks volumes on how much 14Dean has “fallen”.

Then he calls Sam and they reconcile.  _“I just know we’re all we’ve got.  More than that: we keep each other human.”_   Dean knows that his future self likely turned out the way he did _because_ he didn’t have Sam by his side.  Sam, with so much heart he doesn’t know what to do with it half the time, and Dean who has always been Sam’s anchor.  They’re all each other have, and because Dean accepts this, he can move forward.  _With_ Sam.  _We keep each other human_.  They need each other.

 _“I won’t let you down.”_   Dean knows that Sam won’t, because as he said before, he wants _redemption_.  Which means he wants to prove himself to Dean and to do that, he will do anything and everything in his power to _not_ disappoint him again.  And Dean knows that Sam’s conviction, that being with Dean so he can actively prove his worth will be what prevents Sam from saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer.  Sam needed a _reason_ to resist, because without Dean, he didn’t have anyone to hold him accountable.

Remember Sam and Dean’s conversation at the beginning of the episode?  The foreshadowing the writers gave us, how Dean was _already starting_ to become his 2014self?  Now that he’s seen where his actions take him, Dean takes it _all back_ because 1) he doesn’t want to become 14Dean, 2) he doesn’t want to lose his brother, 3) he doesn’t want to lose Cas, and 4) he doesn’t want to lose the world.

I firmly believe that Zachariah chose THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO with Sam saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer and Cas sticking around regardless of his lack of faith and hope, drugged up and broken.  Seeing two people Dean cared about most, twisted into something beyond repair, and having the rest of his extended family dead and gone, steeled his resolve and gave him incentive: he will not lose.

I do wonder, however . . . if Lucifer chained Death (though we only learn of this later), why didn’t he use him to get rid of his adversaries once the angels left?  Furthermore, what about the other horsemen?  We can safely assume that Pestilence was the one who unleashed the Croatoan virus, and Sam and Dean took care of War in 5.02, but what of Famine?

Perhaps Famine was what ravished the land first, then Pestilence unleashed the Croatoan virus.

_“So what do we do now?”_

_“We make our own future.”_

And that, my friends, is exactly what they’ll do.


End file.
